A Man Who Couldn’t Sleep Well for More Than Ten Years

A woman brought her husband to see me regarding his sleeping disorder.

“When did it start” I asked.

“More than 10 years ago,” he said.

“What major thing happened in your life before this started?”

“My dad died.”

“You felt very sad about it?”

He nodded.

“You cried a lot?”

He nodded.

“You then forced yourself not to cry?”

He nodded.

“And then you had trouble sleeping.”

He nodded, and his wife interjected, “That’s it. That’s why I ban him from going to any wake. Even if he just sees a wake happening from afar, surely for the whole night he won’t be able to sleep.”

With the matter confirmed, I talked to him about death, helping him to see the reality and inevitability of death. He was very receptive.

That was the first and the last time I saw him. But I did meet his wife about a month later, and took the chance to inquire about her husband. She said, “Oh, he can sleep now.”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts in last 30 days

How to Free Yourself from Unwise Thoughts

Image
To progress spiritually, we do need to learn how to stop behaving unwisely. However, that is not enough—we also need to learn how to stop thinking unwisely. While unwise physical and verbal conduct can be stopped directly, the same is not true for unwise mental action. Why? Because trying to stop a mental action directly is itself another unwise mental action. Let’s take thoughts of self-criticism as an example. If you try to stop them, that’s another unwise mental action. Doing this is not only unlikely to work, it also causes you to suffer even more. Not clever, is it? So, instead of trying to stop such thoughts, try this: Accept the fact that these thoughts are happening. Regard them as “just thoughts”. Don’t resist them—or at least notice the resisting. When you’re no longer resisting, notice how having those thoughts feels: Are they peaceful or stressful? Imagine: how you would be without these thoughts? Do this every time such thoughts come up, and their st...
Read more

What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi

Image
What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi Author: ​Kumāra Bhikkhu Do you wonder about the conflicting teachings on Buddhist meditation?   Are you uncertain if you should practice jhāna ? Have you tried to practice concentration and found it stressful ?   This is an invaluable contribution to the modern discussion among both practitioners and scholars concerning exactly what jhāna, samādhi and related terms mean. Confusion about these terms has been endemic in the Theravada tradition, probably for many centuries. Āyasmā Kumāra extracts the relevant passages of the earliest texts, the Buddha’s discourses, and—with particular sensitivity to the semantics of the Pāli—argues that the original intent of these terms is quite different from how they came to be most widely understood in the Theravada tradition. The result is persuasive if not conclusive. This is a must-read for all practitioners and students of Buddhist meditation. Bhikkhu Cintita D...
Read more

The Snobbish Monk

Image
(Written in 2013, re-edited in 2026) At the feedback session of a course I conducted in 2011, a participant commented that I had “changed a lot”. He told the audience that when he first met me in 2007, he found me quite snobbish. In my mind, that was one of the best compliments I had ever received, and it still is. There were other nice things that he said about me, but that first comment had already made my day.  No doubt, I had been rather snobbish, although it didn’t seem so to me then. Whenever I think of this, I feel grateful for the change that has happened. I sometimes also feel a bit strange; the person that I was seems so remote now. “Snobbish” was what that man thought of me back then. I think he was being kind. “Arrogant” would have been more accurate. That’s the word my teacher, Bhante Aggacitta, used used to describe me. He said it many times, yet I couldn’t see how I was so. Perhaps it was impossible for me to see it, because I had ‘become’ it. Just as the eye can’t s...
Read more

When Meditators Misunderstand Samādhi As Concentration

Image
It is widely believed that  samādhi  means “concentration”. This belief implies that to meditate, you need to concentrate, meaning focus your attention. Such a view has caused a variety of problems. Tension and Other Discomfort:  When you try to concentrate on something persistently, you may find it very difficult. The mind gets distracted. Then, in your effort to concentrate, you try harder to hold the mind to the object. In doing that, you eventually feel tense, especially between the eyebrows. If you continue the effort, you’ll feel tired or even nauseous. Grasping:  If you are able to concentrate, you have cultivated grasping. After all, when you practise concentration, you’re practising the ability to mentally grasp an object. That’s grasping. Heightened Liking and Disliking:  When you are able to concentrate, a tendency is created in the mind: It exaggerates things. Thus whatever the mind focuses on, be it something attractive or repulsive, the mind exagge...
Read more

Kumāra Bhikkhu's Profile & Teaching Channels

Image
This page is no longer updated. For the most updated version,  click here . Teaching Channels Facebook (2-way teaching & announcements) WhatsApp (1-way teaching & announcements) Instagram (1-way teaching) Xiaohongshu (1-way teaching) Mailing List (announcements only) Publications (English & 中文 ebook/ebooklet/ebrochure) English Blog | 中文博客 Dhamma talk recordings: Spotify  |  SoundCloud Profile Ordained in 1999 under Sayadaw U Revata at the age of 27, Bhante Kumāra (古玛拉) is a Buddhist monk and teacher known for his pragmatic approach to the path of liberation.His spiritual path has been profoundly influenced by two monastic teachers: Bhaddanta Aggacitta Mahāthera , who provided a foundation in the Vinaya, Suttas, and Pāli language, while emphasizing a timeless principle: Value any teaching that leads to the end of suffering. ...
Read more

Why No Chanting Sessions in My Meditation Retreats?

Image
Some laypeople express surprise that there’s no chanting sessions in my retreats—but their reaction doesn’t surprise me. Chanting is practically a standard item in organized Buddhist retreats in Malaysia. So why do I leave it out? During the Buddha’s time, lay Buddhists didn’t chant either. Even when observing the eight precepts on uposatha days, they do so without any recitation. Monastics did chant, but mainly to memorize and preserve the Buddha’s teachings—which isn’t why most laypeople chant today. In fact, they often don’t even understand the words they’re reciting. Nowadays, people chant for a few common reasons: To occupy the mind with something soothing, so that it can settle; but sometimes so that they can forget their suffering. To satisfy the belief that by chanting they gain merits. To cultivate a sense of community in temples or monasteries. I don’t include chanting in my retreats because: I want my students to have maximum opportunity t...
Read more

A Monk’s Airport Predicament

Image
It was year 2000. I, as a very young monk, travelled with a group of monks and laypeople to Thailand. Almost all of them left after a week, while I stayed for a month. On my way back alone, while transiting through Bangkok’s airport, I found myself in a predicament. After long hours of waiting for my connecting flight, I finally got my boarding pass at the check-in counter. When I got to the security checkpoint, I showed the official there my boarding pass, and she asked, “Airport tax?” “Airport tax?” I asked in return. “Please pay at the airport tax counter and get a coupon.” “Uh-oh….” Anxiety began to rise within me. I told the nice lady nicely that I didn’t have any money, hoping she would think, “Oh, silly me. He’s a monk. He’s not suppose to have money,” and let me through. It didn’t work. The matter was plain and simple: no money, no entry. She suggested that I return to the check-in counter. “Ah, good idea,” I thought, since I had no idea what to do. Back at the counter, I expla...
Read more

How to Reduce ADHD Symptoms Through Meditation

Image
As a meditator and a person with ADHD, I’ve learnt that the proper kind of meditation can reduce ADHD symptoms. The following are steps based on my personal experience: 1. Learn Mindfulness Meditation First, you need to learn how to practice mindfulness meditation. See here: ADHD-Friendly Way to Meditate . It’s a direct way to strengthen your working memory. 2. Relaxation Exercise Once you can be mindful about 30% of the day, you’re ready for the next step: Sit or lie down. Feel your body. Breathe, and relax. Bear in mind that the point is not the breathing, but the relaxation. Wherever you notice tension in your body, see how you can allow it to relax naturally as you breathe in and out. The mind and body are connected; so when the body calms down, the mind calms down too. 3. Observe the Subtle Manifestations of ADHD Once you have mastered the two steps above, you will begin to notice the subtler signs of ADHD—the physical restless energy, the mental un...
Read more

ADHD-Friendly Way to Meditate

Image
I have ADHD. While I personally know how important meditation is for people with ADHD, I also know how ADHD-unfriendly the traditional way of teaching meditation is. So, let me share some tips on meditation tailored to my fellow ADHDers. Before I do, let’s get a few things straight: We have ADHD. Most people don’t. We should not try to be like most people. We just need to be ourselves, which we already are, and do things in the way that works for us. For example, the sitting. It makes sense to start learning meditation with the sitting posture. However, don't try to sit for long periods. Do begin with very short sessions , like 5 minutes. Remember: Meditation is the work of the mind. So, it’s not how long you sit that matters; it’s how well you meditate, which has nothing to do with sitting. By the way, you don’t have to sit cross-legged. You can sit on a chair. We want to remember to be aware, to be conscious, instead of being lost in thoughts. So, ask yourself, “What am I doi...
Read more

A Boy Who Needed a Reason to Study

Image
Once, a woman brought an 11-year-old boy to see me. She said, “This son of mine doesn’t want to study. He keeps playing. Can you help me?” I noticed that he had an intelligent look. So, I said to him, “When you grow up, you have to work, right?” He nodded. “So, what kind of work would you like to do?” As he was thinking, I said, “You don’t have to tell me now. Go home and take your time to think about it. Then write it down on a piece of paper. If there’s more than one kind of work you’re interested in, that’s okay. But don’t write more than five, okay?” He said, “Okay.” They came again the next week, and he had a piece of paper in his hand. I asked the mother if he showed it to her. She said no. I said to him, “So, what have you written?” He handed me the piece of paper. First on the list was “plumber”. I said, “Okay, honestly speaking, if you want to be a plumber, you don’t have to study a lot. But you do need to know some language, so that you can read labels and write bills. Also, ...
Read more