Wise Awareness (​Kumāra Bhikkhu's Blog)

No one enjoys being criticized. But like it or not, being criticized is part of life. Once we can accept this, we can actually make use of criticism for our own growth, even if it is not well-intended. Here are some tips. Firstly, listen properly. What is actually being said? Try not to defend yourself immediately. If the criticism is specific, e.g., “What you did just now was selfish,” take some time to check for any truth in it. If you find the criticism valid, even if only partly, thank the person for telling you, and look into how you can do better in the future. If you’re unsure whether the criticism is valid, tell the person, “I don’t see it that way now, but let me reflect on it,” or “… let me pay more attention in the future.” If it seems clearly invalid to you, you can simply respond, “I hear you,” or just nod. Sometimes the criticism isn’t valid now, but it was valid in the past, and the critic hasn’t let go of it yet. In that case, you can still acknowledge it. You can say, ...

Experienced doctors probably have noticed: Some patients don’t recover despite all personal efforts and medical treatments. In such cases, we should wonder what might be the reason for the illness. Could it be psychosomatic? For diabetes, it’s psychosomatic nature is a well-established scientific fact: “(Diabetes) is considered a typical psychosomatic disease as it often includes comorbid anxiety, depression, and insomnia.” (Source: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-28278-9 ) However, just saying the above is not useful enough for the patient. What is the anxiety about? What’s causing the depression? When science fails to give an answer, it makes sense to seek alternatives. How about referring to a psychic? After all, the patient has run out of options for a cure. Louise L Hay, the bestselling author You Can Heal Your Life, offers some possible psychological causes of diabetes: “Longing for what might have been. A great need to control. Deep sorrow. No sweetness left.” ...

Upon returning from a retreat I conducted, a woman told her 10-year-old son about me. He then said to her, “I want to meet the master!” A few months later, we met. I was expecting him to have much to say, but he just sat there quietly. After waiting for a while, I said, “Do you have anything to tell me?” He took deep breath and went, “Hhaihhhh….” I waited for him to say something after that, but he just sat there. I waited a while longer, then said, “If you have anything, just tell me.” He took another deep breath and went, “Hhaihhhh….” I waited and waited, and still nothing else came out of him. Obviously he came to see me for a reason, but he wasn’t saying it. So, what was I supposed to do? Then, I remembered something I happened to read about just about two weeks ago: art therapy. So, I gave him a piece of paper and a pen. (I wasn’t prepared with colouring stuff.) And I said, “Whatever you want to draw, just draw.” Then I left him alone. After a while, I went over and looked at what...

You might have experienced this: You haven't really gotten to know the person yet. Yet somehow you feel intensely attracted to this person. You just can’t help it. You have fallen in love—or so you may believe. Think about it: You barely know the person. So, what are you actually feeling so intensely attracted to? And why are you attracted to that? One of my students messaged me about meeting a new guy whom she was intensely attracted to. She said she remembered my caution against such a situation, and asked me if she should back off. I thought to myself, “Would it be useful to say anything?” Nope. But still I answered her, “Yes, it’s better to back off.” And still she got involved with him, and suffered till she couldn’t stand it anymore and broke off with him. When she told me about it months later, I couldn’t help but say, “I told you so.” Some people fall into this situation over and over. For example, the above person’s elder sister (who’s also my student) told me earlier ...

I have ADHD. While I personally know how important meditation is for people with ADHD, I also know how ADHD-unfriendly the traditional way of teaching meditation is. So, let me share some tips on meditation tailored to my fellow ADHDers. Before I do, let’s get a few things straight: We have ADHD. Most people don’t. We should not try to be like most people. We just need to be ourselves, which we already are, and do things in the way that works for us. For example, the sitting. It makes sense to start learning meditation with the sitting posture. However, don't try to sit for long periods. Do begin with very short sessions , like 5 minutes. Remember: Meditation is the work of the mind. So, it’s not how long you sit that matters; it’s how well you meditate, which has nothing to do with sitting. By the way, you don’t have to sit cross-legged. You can sit on a chair. We want to remember to be aware, to be conscious, instead of being lost in thoughts. So, ask yourself, “What am I doi...