Tips on Handling Criticism

No one enjoys being criticized. But like it or not, being criticized is part of life. Once we can accept this, we can actually make use of criticism for our own growth, even if it is not well-intended. Here are some tips.

Firstly, listen properly. What is actually being said? Try not to defend yourself immediately.

If the criticism is specific, e.g., “What you did just now was selfish,” take some time to check for any truth in it. If you find the criticism valid, even if only partly, thank the person for telling you, and look into how you can do better in the future. If you’re unsure whether the criticism is valid, tell the person, “I don’t see it that way now, but let me reflect on it,” or “… let me pay more attention in the future.” If it seems clearly invalid to you, you can simply respond, “I hear you,” or just nod.

Sometimes the criticism isn’t valid now, but it was valid in the past, and the critic hasn’t let go of it yet. In that case, you can still acknowledge it. You can say, “I see what you’re referring to.”

If the criticism is too general, e.g., “You’re selfish,” ask for specific examples. If they can give you valid examples, then you can make good use of the criticism. If they can’t, then the criticism is probably not valid. In that case, you can simply nod, just to acknowledge that you’ve heard the critic.

If the critic criticizes on and on, it’s better to not respond at all. If it doesn’t seem like they will stop any time soon, just leave. If you can’t leave, go grey rock. This means “becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be”. (Ellen Biros)

If the criticism is about things that you can’t change—such as your gender, height, skin colour or race—it is not constructive. You don’t have to entertain such criticism at all. The easiest response is to ignore the critic. If they continue, then respond as above.

If you find yourself hypersensitive to criticism, consider the possibility that you may have a sense of defectiveness or unworthiness. If this is the case, this may help: Cultivate Confidence: Two Ways in the Suttas.

Parting Words

Criticism can be a powerful tool for personal growth when handled with care and reflection. By listening properly, evaluating its validity, and responding thoughtfully, we can make use of even the harshest feedback for self-improvement. Remember, not all criticism deserves your attention—disregard what isn’t constructive and focus only on what truly matters. With knowledge and self-awareness, you can handle criticism with grace, emerge wiser, and have a thicker skin.

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