Wise Awareness (​Kumāra Bhikkhu's Blog)

 Occasionally, I meet people who have developed mental and physical tension due to having meditated wrongly. If you’re in this situation, let me explain why it happens and how to undo it. The Cause: Wrong Effort Even while believing you’re cultivating wholesome qualities and abandoning unwholesome ones, you might be doing the exact opposite. A common mistake is exerting effort , which is based on mistaken ideas about the practice. When done persistently , this creates deep tension in the body and mind, making it difficult to release. The Solution: Systematic Relaxation At this point , simply abandoning meditation may not help. In fact, if you do that, the tension may worsen due to an uncontrollable resistance to the unpleasant situation . Instead, try this approach: calm the exertion. First of all, stop trying to meditate . Why? In your mind, "meditation" is now associated with exertion and tension . So, it’s better to stop trying to meditate. Instead, think in ...

Having people, or even just one person, in your life who is constantly critical of you can be very challenging. It’s possible that they don’t know the harm that they are causing. In any case, you’re the one having a problem and so you’re the one to do something about it. You need to find a suitable way to stop being constantly criticized. You first need to find out why they behave this way. There are a few possible reasons: They have a spoiled entitlement schema . They feel entitled to criticize you. They have an unrelenting standards schema . They can’t stand standards lower than their expectations, which they feel are normal and justified. They have a defectiveness schema . They try to feel better about themsel ves by putting others down. If they have a spoiled entitlement schema , your chances of getting them to stop is very slim. The only way they would even consider changing their behaviour, is being under the threat of losing something tha...