A Boy Who Needed a Reason to Study

Once, a woman brought an 11-year-old boy to see me. She said, “This son of mine doesn’t want to study. He keeps playing. Can you help me?”

I noticed that he had an intelligent look. So, I said to him, “When you grow up, you have to work, right?” He nodded. “So, what kind of work would you like to do?”

As he was thinking, I said, “You don’t have to tell me now. Go home and take your time to think about it. Then write it down on a piece of paper. If there’s more than one kind of work you’re interested in, that’s okay. But don’t write more than five, okay?” He said, “Okay.”

They came again the next week, and he had a piece of paper in his hand. I asked the mother if he showed it to her. She said no.

I said to him, “So, what have you written?” He handed me the piece of paper.

First on the list was “plumber”. I said, “Okay, honestly speaking, if you want to be a plumber, you don’t have to study a lot. But you do need to know some language, so that you can read labels and write bills. Also, of course you need to know some arithmetic. You understand?” He nodded.

While saying all that, I noticed that he was very attentive.

Next one was “pilot”. I said, “Now, if you want to be a pilot, it’s different. You need to be very good in English, mathematics, and science.” Again, he nodded.

In both times we met, I never asked him to study. I also never asked him to stop playing or play less. I only told him what he needed so that he could do what he himself wanted.

That was the last time we met, but I met the mother some months later. I asked her, “So, how’s your son?”

“Oh, now he studies.”


Note: I’m setting up a place called Spiritual Retreat Centre, where people can step away from the pressures of daily life and devote to cultivating themselves. See https://web.facebook.com/SpiritualRetreatC/

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts in last 30 days

What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi

Image
What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi Author: ​Kumāra Bhikkhu Do you wonder about the conflicting teachings on Buddhist meditation?   Are you uncertain if you should practice jhāna ? Have you tried to practice concentration and found it stressful ?   This is an invaluable contribution to the modern discussion among both practitioners and scholars concerning exactly what jhāna, samādhi and related terms mean. Confusion about these terms has been endemic in the Theravada tradition, probably for many centuries. Āyasmā Kumāra extracts the relevant passages of the earliest texts, the Buddha’s discourses, and—with particular sensitivity to the semantics of the Pāli—argues that the original intent of these terms is quite different from how they came to be most widely understood in the Theravada tradition. The result is persuasive if not conclusive. This is a must-read for all practitioners and students of Buddhist meditation. Bhikkhu Cintita D...
Read more

Why Sunday Dhamma Schools Can’t Help Your Children Become Better People, and How You Can

Image
Around Kuala Lumpur, many Sunday Dhamma schools (SDSs) have become packed and some even have a waiting list. I believe most parents send their kids there because they believe that it will make their kids become better people (and some because it’s free daycare). Yet, again and again, I don’t see that happening. In fact, some kids even become averse to Buddhism because they were forced to attend. So, why are SDSs not producing the result that most parents want? More often than not, the teachers aren’t capable enough to teach Dhamma. They themselves may be still in need of learning Dhamma. Many of them are simply pushed into the role because there aren’t enough teachers. They may even be relatively new to Buddhism. The time spent in SDSs is very short compared to the time spent at home and in school. So, even if they provide good influence, it is weak compared to the influence elsewhere. So what can parents do to help their children become better people? Be the goo...
Read more

Dismantling Racism: Beyond Labels and the Ego

Image
Usually, when we think of racism, we think of believing that one is superior to another based on race. However, it works the other way round too. One can believe that one is inferior to another based on race. In other words, one is being racist towards one’s own race. Now let me briefly broaden the subject. We can also believe that we are superior or inferior to another based on religious belief, or nationality, or even the language we speak—such as believing that you’re superior to another because you speak English and the other doesn’t. The pattern is essentially the same. So, basically, racism is based on the tendency to identify with a certain characteristic, taking that as who you are. However, in reality, you are not your race—just as you’re not your religious belief, or nationality, or the language you speak. Yet, we may identify with such things, taking them as who we are. Having formed a sense of something as who we are, we then form a sense of something else as who others ...
Read more

How to Free Yourself from Unwise Thoughts

Image
To progress spiritually, we do need to learn how to stop behaving unwisely. However, that is not enough—we also need to learn how to stop thinking unwisely. While unwise physical and verbal conduct can be stopped directly, the same is not true for unwise mental action. Why? Because trying to stop a mental action directly is itself another unwise mental action. Let’s take thoughts of self-criticism as an example. If you try to stop them, that’s another unwise mental action. Doing this is not only unlikely to work, it also causes you to suffer even more. Not clever, is it? So, instead of trying to stop such thoughts, try this: Accept the fact that these thoughts are happening. Regard them as “just thoughts”. Don’t resist them—or at least notice the resisting. When you’re no longer resisting, notice how having those thoughts feels: Are they peaceful or stressful? Imagine: how you would be without these thoughts? Do this every time such thoughts come up, and their st...
Read more

How to Meditate if You Have Mental Illness

Image
Some peope say you shouldn't meditate if you have mental illness. They are partly right. You shouldn’t do concentration meditation, as that can easily worsen your condition. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t meditate at all, or can’t benefit from meditation at all. Meditation can relieve you of mental illness if you do the right kind of meditation correctly. People with mental illness have an unsettled mind, which exhausts them. In this situation, you need to find a way to settle the mind. Let me suggest a way: Breathe in. Feel the body. Relax the body as you breathe out. That’s it. Yes, it’s that simple. No need to close your eyes or sit cross-legged. Do this as regularly as you can throughout the day. It’s okay if you forget. That’s normal. When you know you’ve forgotten, just start again. Be kind to yourself. Remembering to meditate throughout the day takes years of practice. As you keep practising this way, the length of time you remember will grow, and the length of ti...
Read more

Assertiveness as Proper Speech: Finding Your Voice with Wisdom

Image
Part 1: Assertiveness Aligns with Proper Speech Many people have trouble with being assertive. If you’re Buddhist, you might even regard assertiveness as a form of wrong speech. However, assertiveness actually aligns with the Buddhist concept of proper speech (sammā-vācā). Proper speech isn’t just about not saying certain things—it’s also about saying certain things. If merely not saying certain things counts as proper speech, then someone in a coma would be practising it perfectly. When you should say something but don’t say it, you’ll suffer in one way or another. For example, if a colleague takes advantage of you by making you do their work, what do you do? You might stay silent and keep doing their work. You might tell yourself, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” But is it really okay? Thoughts can lie, but feelings don’t. If you allow things to stay unchanged, you’ll eventually either explode or implode . Exploding means suddenly yelling at the person bullying you. Imploding mea...
Read more

Why Some Buddhists Grow Spiritually—and How You Can Too

Image
Have you noticed that some Buddhists—lay or monastic—seem to become more peaceful and happier? It may be because they have grown spiritually. What do I mean by that? For lay Buddhists who don’t yet desire the ultimate ending of suffering, the recommended practice is dāna, sīla, and bhāvanā. Dāna (giving) is mentioned first because it’s the easiest to understand and practice, followed by sīla (moral conduct). Bhāvanā is the most challenging, but it is also the most important for becoming more peaceful and happy. In this article, I want to help you understand bhāvanā correctly so that you can practice it and gain its rewards. Bhāvanā Is More Than Meditation Many Buddhists misunderstand bhāvanā as “meditation.” While meditation is a kind of bhāvanā, the scope of bhāvanā is actually far greater. Bhāvanā means “cultivation”—specifically, spiritual cultivation. While meditation cultivates the mind, bhāvanā extends to how we live—how we respond to challenges, treat others, and let go ...
Read more

A Monk’s Airport Predicament

Image
It was year 2000. I, as a very young monk, travelled with a group of monks and laypeople to Thailand. Almost all of them left after a week, while I stayed for a month. On my way back alone, while transiting through Bangkok’s airport, I found myself in a predicament. After long hours of waiting for my connecting flight, I finally got my boarding pass at the check-in counter. When I got to the security checkpoint, I showed the official there my boarding pass, and she asked, “Airport tax?” “Airport tax?” I asked in return. “Please pay at the airport tax counter and get a coupon.” “Uh-oh….” Anxiety began to rise within me. I told the nice lady nicely that I didn’t have any money, hoping she would think, “Oh, silly me. He’s a monk. He’s not suppose to have money,” and let me through. It didn’t work. The matter was plain and simple: no money, no entry. She suggested that I return to the check-in counter. “Ah, good idea,” I thought, since I had no idea what to do. Back at the counter, I expla...
Read more

When Meditators Misunderstand Samādhi As Concentration

Image
It is widely believed that  samādhi  means “concentration”. This belief implies that to meditate, you need to concentrate, meaning focus your attention. Such a view has caused a variety of problems. Tension and Other Discomfort:  When you try to concentrate on something persistently, you may find it very difficult. The mind gets distracted. Then, in your effort to concentrate, you try harder to hold the mind to the object. In doing that, you eventually feel tense, especially between the eyebrows. If you continue the effort, you’ll feel tired or even nauseous. Grasping:  If you are able to concentrate, you have cultivated grasping. After all, when you practise concentration, you’re practising the ability to mentally grasp an object. That’s grasping. Heightened Liking and Disliking:  When you are able to concentrate, a tendency is created in the mind: It exaggerates things. Thus whatever the mind focuses on, be it something attractive or repulsive, the mind exagge...
Read more