How to Stop Doing Things We Regret

We’ve all done it before: doing something we regret later. Yet, even if we tell ourselves not to repeat it, we may still do.

It might be losing our temper over a minor matter. It might be binging on food or the Internet. It can be anything but has one thing in common: no matter how badly we want to stop, we simply can’t.

Do you struggle with this? If so, keep reading. But, if you’re not truly ready to change yet, then better stop reading this and go do something else. Seriously—don’t waste your time.

Hmm... You’re still reading. So you really want to stop?

The Steps

Okay. Here’s how:

  1. Identify the triggers. What situations lead to that regrettable behaviour? Write them down. (E.g., having nothing to do, arguing with your spouse.)

  2. Find the common thread. What feeling do these situations share? (E.g., restlessness, sadness.)

  3. Try to understand the feeling. Don’t just label it generally as “stress” or “boredom.” Look closer—What is this really about? Don’t guess. Look.

  4. Remember that intellectual understanding isn’t enough. Even if you intellectually grasp the root cause and decide to let go, the problem may remain. But that’s okay—this step prepares you to truly release it.

  5. Ask yourself: What will it take to resolve this issue? Can you do it alone, or do you need help?

  6. If you need help, seek it now. Yes, stop reading and seek help now.

  7. If you think you can handle it alone, think again. We all have blind spots—external support makes the process easier and faster.

The ‘Meanwhile’ Strategy

Resolving the root cause takes time. So, meanwhile, here’s a short-term solution to avoid repeating the behaviour:

  1. Review your triggers. What proactive steps can prevent the behaviour? Write them down. (E.g., breathe deliberately, walk away, remove temptations.)

  2. Act now. If any strategies can be implemented immediately, do them now.

  3. Be prepared. For plans that can only be executed when the situation arises, you need a good level of mindfulness to remember to do them. So, practise open awareness meditation.

  4. Visualize executing your plan. Imagine the triggering scenarios, then rehearse your plan.

Some Tips

  • Mentally step back from the urge. See the desire as just that—a desire; not you, not yours. If it feels overwhelming, just breathe deliberately until the urge fades away.

  • If you can’t resist the urge, observe it. When you can’t stop, just watch the behaviour and the accompanying feelings for understanding.

  • Focus more on the process than the goal. Knowing what you want is good, but how you’ll get there matters more.

  • Be patient. Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re lessons.

  • Celebrate effort. Be happy that you’re making an effort in the right direction.

  • Don’t quit.

  • Ask for help if stuck. If your best efforts aren’t enough, seek guidance from someone who can help.

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