Wise Awareness (​Kumāra Bhikkhu's Blog)

Having people, or even just one person, in your life who is constantly critical of you can be very challenging. It’s possible that they don’t know the harm that they are causing. In any case, you’re the one having a problem and so you’re the one to do something about it. You need to find a suitable way to stop being constantly criticized. You first need to find out why they behave this way. There are a few possible reasons: They have a spoiled entitlement schema . They feel entitled to criticize you. They have an unrelenting standards schema . They can’t stand standards lower than their expectations, which they feel are normal and justified. They have a defectiveness schema . They try to feel better about themsel ves by putting others down. If they have a spoiled entitlement schema , your chances of getting them to stop is very slim. The only way they would even consider changing their behaviour, is being under the threat of losing something tha...

Sometimes I meet people who suffer because they are unknowingly living or working with someone who has a personality disorder. It’s important to be aware of such disorders, as being with individuals who have them can be distre ssing. When we think of mental illness, we usually think of conditions like schizophrenia, depression and anxiety disorders—conditions that are either very obvious or that people usually seek help for. We don’t usually think of another category of mental illness: personality disorders . There are many kinds of personality disorders, but let me speak of two which are not so obvious but surely worth knowing for our own protection: Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) . Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) “Antisocial” here does not mean “unsociable”. In fact, individuals with this disorder may appear highly sociable. They are antisocial in the sense that they are hostile or disruptive to social norms. They lack empa...

What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi Author: ​Kumāra Bhikkhu Do you wonder about the conflicting teachings on Buddhist meditation? Are you uncertain if you should practice jhāna ? Have you tried to practice concentration and found it stressful ? This is an invaluable contribution to the modern discussion among both practitioners and scholars concerning exactly what jhāna, samādhi and related terms mean. Confusion about these terms has been endemic in the Theravada tradition, probably for many centuries. Āyasmā Kumāra extracts the relevant passages of the earliest texts, the Buddha’s discourses, and—with particular sensitivity to the semantics of the Pāli—argues that the original intent of these terms is quite different from how they came to be most widely understood in the Theravada tradition. The result is persuasive if not conclusive. This is a must-read for all practitioners and students of Buddhist meditation. Bhikkhu Cintita Dinsmore To me this is a ‘God-sent’ revel...

Lay Buddhists are often taught the importance of giving (dāna)—especially to monastics—as a meritorious act. While this practice is deeply rooted in the Buddhist tradition, it has led to a growing concern: the excessive giving of gifts to monastics, resulting in monasteries having to deal with unnecessary possessions. Monastics do depend on lay people to give them what they need. However, when the giving becomes excessive, it creates a burden for the monastics. Their monasteries can become cluttered with items they neither need nor want. In this situation, the gifts have become a burden. To address this issue, lay Buddhists should be advised to practice wise giving . This involves considering the true needs of the recipient and the potential result of the giving. Instead of giving out of religious piety or a desire to gain merit, one can give wisely. What do the monastics really need? If you want to give but don't know what the monastics really need, you can always ask them. By g...

Negative desires are of all sorts: from extreme kinds that can ruin you and even others, to mild ones such as desire for tasty food you don’t need. Regardless of the intensity, any desire with a negative outcome isn’t a good thing. Dealing with negative desires can be broadly seen as comprising two components: mental settling and distinct seeing. Mental Settling When desire pounds at you relentlessly, mental settling is what you need. For example, if you have a persistent urge to watch porn or buy something you don’t need, just do this: breathe, feel the body and relax. Just keep at it, and the urge will most likely pass. While this method is simple and effective, it cannot remove the tendency to desire; it can only subdue active desires. To remove the tendency to desire, you need distinct seeing. Distinct Seeing When desire isn’t bothering you and your mind is relatively peaceful, it’s a suitable time to deal with desire at a deeper level. Ask yourself, “Why?” E.g., why do you want to...

I was communicating through email with someone with bipolar disorder, a condition with extreme mood swings that include emotional highs and lows. When she was having a high episode, she could spend days without sleep and be super-productive. When she was in a low, she would feel like ending her life. In fact, she was once holding a knife ready to cut her wrist. At one point, she was at a high again. That's when I asked her about her unhappy past. Since she was having a high episode, it wasn't difficult for her to tell me EVERYTHING. She teared while she told her stories through her computer. Interestingly, that somehow "broke the spell". Usually, after a high, she would eventually swing to a low. But that never happened. It wasn't something I expected, much less intended. However, I wondered how that happened. According to mainstream science, bipolar disorder "is a lifelong condition (and) not yet curable". (Source:   Is bipolar disorder curable? Tr...