A Deeply Unhappy Young Engineer

A girl I’ve never met before came to my retreat. Though only 22 years old, she was already an engineer—a deeply unhappy one.

After a few interviews with her, I found out why she was so happy: She had not been allowed to play. Her job as a kid was only to study and study and study.

“Go and play,” I said to her.

“I don’t know how to play anymore!” she replied angrily.

“Play with children. Observe and learn from them.”

She looked at me while seemingly thinking. After a while, she said, “Okay.”

That evening, I saw her squatting by the roadside, picking little flowers. She seemed pretty happy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts in last 30 days

A Monk’s Airport Predicament

Image
It was year 2000. I, as a very young monk, travelled with a group of monks and laypeople to Thailand. Almost all of them left after a week, while I stayed for a month. On my way back alone, while transiting through Bangkok’s airport, I found myself in a predicament. After long hours of waiting for my connecting flight, I finally got my boarding pass at the check-in counter. When I got to the security checkpoint, I showed the official there my boarding pass, and she asked, “Airport tax?” “Airport tax?” I asked in return. “Please pay at the airport tax counter and get a coupon.” “Uh-oh….” Anxiety began to rise within me. I told the nice lady nicely that I didn’t have any money, hoping she would think, “Oh, silly me. He’s a monk. He’s not suppose to have money,” and let me through. It didn’t work. The matter was plain and simple: no money, no entry. She suggested that I return to the check-in counter. “Ah, good idea,” I thought, since I had no idea what to do. Back at the counter, I expla...
Read more

Kumāra Bhikkhu's Profile & Teaching Channels

Image
This page is no longer updated. For the most updated version,  click here . Teaching Channels Facebook (2-way teaching & announcements) WhatsApp (1-way teaching & announcements) Instagram (1-way teaching) Xiaohongshu (1-way teaching) Mailing List (announcements only) Publications (English & 中文 ebook/ebooklet/ebrochure) English Blog | 中文博客 Dhamma talk recordings: Spotify  |  SoundCloud Profile Ordained in 1999 under Sayadaw U Revata at the age of 27, Bhante Kumāra (古玛拉) is a Buddhist monk and teacher known for his pragmatic approach to the path of liberation.His spiritual path has been profoundly influenced by two monastic teachers: Bhaddanta Aggacitta Mahāthera , who provided a foundation in the Vinaya, Suttas, and Pāli language, while emphasizing a timeless principle: Value any teaching that leads to the end of suffering. ...
Read more

Is Your Buddhist Group Cultish?

Image
You may have heard of some Buddhist cults, but do you know what makes a group a cult? Psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton, a highly regarded cult expert, defines a cult as having these characteristics in his paper Cult Formation : A charismatic leader, who increasingly becomes an object of worship as the general principles that may have originally sustained the group lose power. A process call[ed] coercive persuasion or thought reform. Economic, sexual, and other exploitation of group members by the leader and the ruling coterie. If your group has all these, it’s a full-blown cult. If it has only one of these, though not yet a full-blown cult, it can be considered cultish. I think the first and the last characteristics are clear enough. The second however needs some elaboration. Coercive persuasion or thought reform is more commonly known as “brainwashing” . It's a process in which a group or individual systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to confor...
Read more

What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi

Image
What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi Author: ​Kumāra Bhikkhu Do you wonder about the conflicting teachings on Buddhist meditation?   Are you uncertain if you should practice jhāna ? Have you tried to practice concentration and found it stressful ?   This is an invaluable contribution to the modern discussion among both practitioners and scholars concerning exactly what jhāna, samādhi and related terms mean. Confusion about these terms has been endemic in the Theravada tradition, probably for many centuries. Āyasmā Kumāra extracts the relevant passages of the earliest texts, the Buddha’s discourses, and—with particular sensitivity to the semantics of the Pāli—argues that the original intent of these terms is quite different from how they came to be most widely understood in the Theravada tradition. The result is persuasive if not conclusive. This is a must-read for all practitioners and students of Buddhist meditation. Bhikkhu Cintita D...
Read more

How to Reduce ADHD Symptoms Through Meditation

Image
As a meditator and a person with ADHD, I’ve learnt that the proper kind of meditation can reduce ADHD symptoms. The following are steps based on my personal experience: 1. Learn Mindfulness Meditation First, you need to learn how to practice mindfulness meditation. See here: ADHD-Friendly Way to Meditate . It’s a direct way to strengthen your working memory. 2. Relaxation Exercise Once you can be mindful about 30% of the day, you’re ready for the next step: Sit or lie down. Feel your body. Breathe, and relax. Bear in mind that the point is not the breathing, but the relaxation. Wherever you notice tension in your body, see how you can allow it to relax naturally as you breathe in and out. The mind and body are connected; so when the body calms down, the mind calms down too. 3. Observe the Subtle Manifestations of ADHD Once you have mastered the two steps above, you will begin to notice the subtler signs of ADHD—the physical restless energy, the mental un...
Read more

Why No Chanting Sessions in My Meditation Retreats?

Image
Some laypeople express surprise that there’s no chanting sessions in my retreats—but their reaction doesn’t surprise me. Chanting is practically a standard item in organized Buddhist retreats in Malaysia. So why do I leave it out? During the Buddha’s time, lay Buddhists didn’t chant either. Even when observing the eight precepts on uposatha days, they do so without any recitation. Monastics did chant, but mainly to memorize and preserve the Buddha’s teachings—which isn’t why most laypeople chant today. In fact, they often don’t even understand the words they’re reciting. Nowadays, people chant for a few common reasons: To occupy the mind with something soothing, so that it can settle; but sometimes so that they can forget their suffering. To satisfy the belief that by chanting they gain merits. To cultivate a sense of community in temples or monasteries. I don’t include chanting in my retreats because: I want my students to have maximum opportunity t...
Read more

How to Stop Doing Things We Regret

Image
We’ve all done it before: doing something we regret later. Yet, even if we tell ourselves not to repeat it, we may still do. It might be losing our temper over a minor matter. It might be binging on food or the Internet. It can be anything but has one thing in common: no matter how badly we want to stop, we simply can’t. Do you struggle with this? If so, keep reading. But, if you’re not truly ready to change yet, then better stop reading this and go do something else. Seriously—don’t waste your time. Hmm... You’re still reading. So you really want to stop? The Steps Okay. Here’s how: Identify the triggers. What situations lead to that regrettable behaviour? Write them down. (E.g., having nothing to do, arguing with your spouse.) Find the common thread. What feeling do these situations share? (E.g., restlessness, sadness.) Try to understand the feeling. Don’t just label it generally as “stress” or “boredom.” Look closer— What is this really about?...
Read more

When Meditators Misunderstand Samādhi As Concentration

Image
It is widely believed that  samādhi  means “concentration”. This belief implies that to meditate, you need to concentrate, meaning focus your attention. Such a view has caused a variety of problems. Tension and Other Discomfort:  When you try to concentrate on something persistently, you may find it very difficult. The mind gets distracted. Then, in your effort to concentrate, you try harder to hold the mind to the object. In doing that, you eventually feel tense, especially between the eyebrows. If you continue the effort, you’ll feel tired or even nauseous. Grasping:  If you are able to concentrate, you have cultivated grasping. After all, when you practise concentration, you’re practising the ability to mentally grasp an object. That’s grasping. Heightened Liking and Disliking:  When you are able to concentrate, a tendency is created in the mind: It exaggerates things. Thus whatever the mind focuses on, be it something attractive or repulsive, the mind exagge...
Read more

Publications by Kumāra Bhikkhu

Image
Open Awareness Meditation: a quick introduction What You Might Not Know about Jhāna & Samādhi 20 Meditation Tips Meditation Is Like Riding a Bicycle Meditation Is Seriously Like Riding a Bicycle Meditation Is Like Doing Business Meditation Is Seriously Like Doing Business Why We Should Stop Bringing Youths to Buddhism By Kumāra Bhikkhu’s students: 14 Stories of Growth & Freedom  [7 in English...
Read more

A Boy Who Needed a Reason to Study

Image
Once, a woman brought an 11-year-old boy to see me. She said, “This son of mine doesn’t want to study. He keeps playing. Can you help me?” I noticed that he had an intelligent look. So, I said to him, “When you grow up, you have to work, right?” He nodded. “So, what kind of work would you like to do?” As he was thinking, I said, “You don’t have to tell me now. Go home and take your time to think about it. Then write it down on a piece of paper. If there’s more than one kind of work you’re interested in, that’s okay. But don’t write more than five, okay?” He said, “Okay.” They came again the next week, and he had a piece of paper in his hand. I asked the mother if he showed it to her. She said no. I said to him, “So, what have you written?” He handed me the piece of paper. First on the list was “plumber”. I said, “Okay, honestly speaking, if you want to be a plumber, you don’t have to study a lot. But you do need to know some language, so that you can read labels and write bills. Also, ...
Read more