How I Became a Monk: Part 3

Part 3: Getting Through the Hardest Part

How to Get My Parents’ Consent?

Becoming a monk requires parental consent. Even if you’re 70 years old, so long as your parents are alive, you still need their consent. So, I had to think about this.

Before that, I had to decide whether to end my course, as getting the certificate was unnecessary for the life that I wanted. I spoke to a few monks and they suggested that I finish it up, since it was just half a year to completion. I decided to follow their advice. So, I wasn’t in a hurry to get my parents’ consent then.

A few months before the end of my course, my father came over to ask me to join a company which he was setting up with a friend. It obviously meant a lot to him, and I didn’t have the heart to say no. He must have seen my reluctance, and told me that it would be just for a start, and that I could leave later. Reluctantly, I said yes.

Immediately after my final exams were over, I went to work with my father. One evening, after working there for a week, my mother asked, “Are you happy with your job?”

“No,” I said.

“What do you want to do then?”

Oh boy, I thought, Do I tell her now?

After a pause, I said, “I want to become a monk.”

She was quiet for a while, then said, “You can still live as a lay person and go for your retreats, can’t you?”

“Yes, that’s true, but that’s not enough for me.”

Another pause.

She said a few more things that I’ve forgotten, but I remember responding to them all. Then she became silent again, this time for an uncomfortably long time. Then she cried.

Oh no! I made my mother cry. I reached out to console her, but she pulled away and went to her room.

I had mixed feelings, and knew that she would surely tell my father when he returned.

The next day, the moment he saw me he said, “Why you make your mother cry?”

I knew getting my parents’ consent would be a challenge, but didn’t worry about it at all. I intuited that I just needed to be clear about what I wanted to do, and trusted that the way will appear.

One and a half years went by, as I continued to work with my father in his company which did badly in the face of a highly unfavorable economic situation. Malaysia was facing the 1997-98 financial crisis.

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting alone with my mother again. Somehow, it seemed like a good time to bring up the subject again. I plucked some courage and said, “Ma, I can continue to live as a lay person, but I think when I’m old I’ll regret not having lived the way I wanted.”

She responded, “If you’re not happy living as a lay person, then I shouldn’t stop you.”

That’s it? She agreed? It seemed too easy. After concluding that she did agree, I said, “Thank you.” I didn’t know how else to respond.

“Although I let you go,” she added, “I do it with a heavy heart.”

That’s when her love for me exceeded her attachment to me.

As usual, my father soon learnt about it from my mother. When he saw me the next morning, he said, “So, you want to become a monk.”

I said, “Yes,” and he kept quiet. That meant a yes.

With that, I got the green light! Happily I posted this sentence on a Buddhist discussion group. As I had previously told them about my intention and situation, some members immediately understood and congratulated me.

Getting Ordained

Having gotten through the hardest part, I then thought about who to ask for ordination. A friend had earlier fervently suggested Bhante Aggacitta. I trusted her and so I asked around about him and how I could meet him. Soon, another friend told me that bhante had gone to Penang, and asked if I’d like to follow him to meet the monk. I jumped at the opportunity.

To cut the story short, bhante said he didn’t have a place to accept students yet. I was disappointed. I could wait till he established a place, but I couldn’t wait. The urge was too strong. So, I went to the next monk I had in mind, Sayadaw U Revata, who was residing in Subang Jaya Buddhist Association, just a short drive away from my family home then.

He agreed and ordained me a sāmaṇera—in the presence of family members and friends—in 1999, and later in the same year a bhikkhu.

That was how I became a monk.


Having my hair shaven by Sayadaw U Revata. Watching behind is my father.

 


                                                      In robes for the first time.





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