Leaving Toxic Situations Is Not Escapism

When people tell me about their problems, I sometimes come to see that the underlying issue is that they misunderstand escapism. And that misunderstanding stops them from leaving an unhealthy relationship or environment.

For example:

  • A person in an abusive relationship thinks that she shouldn’t leave, because she thinks that’s “escapism”.
  • A person working in a toxic office environment thinks that he shouldn’t leave, because he thinks that’s “escapism”.

Actually, their leaving can be called escaping, but not “escapism”. In fact, their leaving would be proper action, since it leads them out of suffering.

What Escapism Really Means

Escapism is about diverting your attention from something unpleasant happening in your life. That unpleasant thing may be in the physical world or just in your mind in the form of thoughts and feelings. Escapism may be done with the mind alone, or with the help of some physical activity or substance.

For instance:

  • Avoiding making decisions you need to make
  • Procrastinating on tasks you need to do
  • Drinking or taking drugs to blot out unhappy thoughts and feelings
  • Playing video games or overworking to make your mind so busy that it cannot think unhappy thoughts

All these are escapism or avoidance coping styles. These actions (kammas) are unwise, because they increase delusion (moha) and prevent you from doing what’s necessary for your benefit and happiness.

Nonetheless, it’s not hard to understand why some people would want to continue doing this. It is difficult for them to face how they feel if they stop the avoidance. However, for the sake of their long-term benefit and happiness, they need to rethink.

With escapism, you do get some relative comfort, but this is short-term. How much longer do you want to stay like that? For life?

By stopping escapism, you do have to meet with discomfort, no doubt, but this too is short-term. You need to be willing to tolerate it, so that you can have the chance to meet what’s behind it with understanding.

The impact of negative thoughts and unpleasant feelings can be lessened. Just remind yourself: “Thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings.” Don’t try to get rid of them. Just let them run their own course, and they will weaken on their own.

When your mind has calmed down, you can then clearly see what you’re running away from. Is it as bad as you imagined it to be?

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