A Journey of Healing From Addiction

Part 1

A young man came to me for help: He was addicted to porn. He cried as he told me, “If you can’t help me, then I don’t know what to do anymore.” Immediately, I felt sorry for him.

I said to him, “There’s something good about you: You want to improve.” He thought about it, and stopped crying. Recognizing that fact seemed to help him feel better about himself.

After discussing with him in order to understand his situation better, I suggested some strategies. (I didn’t have to go into the details of those strategies because he had attended my meditation retreat not long before.) When I was done, he said, “Okay, bhante, I know what to do now.” Then he left.

Some days later, he came crying again, “I stopped for three days. Then I started watching again!”

“So, you stopped for three days,” I said, “That’s great! Previously you watched every day. You’ve improved.”

He thought about it and stopped crying again. After getting more information about his situation, I gave him more strategies. Again, he said, “Okay, bhante, I know what to do now.” Then he left.

I didn’t see him until a few months later. He looked different. Previously, his head was down and his face was gloomy. This time, his head was up and his face was bright.

“So, how are you now?” I asked.

“I feel more confident now,” he said with a smile.

Note: When it comes to addiction, it’s not enough to just want to stop. We also need to know how to stop.

Part 2

About half a year later, the young man came to ask about his meditation practice. I took the chance to tell him that his porn addiction issue wasn’t over yet. He needed to also resolve the reason behind the addiction.

He then told me about his problems with his parents. When he was done, I said, “Don’t be afraid to feel angry with your mother.”

He burst into tears and cried very, very loudly. After a few minutes, he was still crying. So, I decided to help him to stop. (Retrospectively, I think I should have let him continue and stop on his own.) I gently touched his shoulder, and he slowly calmed down. He then said, “What was that? It’s scary!”

It seems he didn’t even know he was angry with his mother.

Note: When we’re addicted, just stopping the behaviour is not enough. The reason behind the addiction also needs to be identified and addressed. If not, out of desire to avoid the unpleasant feelings arising from that issue, one can be easily pushed back into the addictive behaviour. One may not even be aware of this underlying mechanism.


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