Respecting Your Parents’ Dying Wish

Occasionally, I hear stories like this: An elderly person is in a hospital, saying he wants to go home. Maybe he is sick of being in the hospital, maybe he’s dying and prefers to die at home, or maybe he simply misses home. Whatever the reason, his desire is clear—he wants to go home. However, his children insist that he stays on.

If you were that person, how would you feel?

In the children’s minds, keeping him in the hospital is better—until he recovers. But will he recover? No one knows. What everyone does know is that he wants to go home.

Now, imagine you’re one of the children. What would you do?

Suppose you want him to remain hospitalized. Ask yourself: Why? Who is this decision truly for—especially when his wish is clear? Is it really for him?

I understand your hope for his recovery. I understand your fear that his condition might worsen at home. And I understand your fear of losing him.

But let me remind you: Death is certain. He will die—either in the hospital, against his wish; or at home, where he wants to be.

What if, after all the arguing, he dies in the hospital? Would you be okay with that?

I’m sure it’s not what you’d want, yet it’s a real possibility. Can you live with that?

If I were in your place, I would respect his wish. Even if I believehe would die sooner if he goes home, I would respect his wish. After all, if you were in his position, wouldn’t you want the same?

How about this? Explain to him why you believe staying is better, then let himthink over it and decide for himself. This way, you’ve shared your concerns, you’ve done your part. Then, whatever he chooses, and wherever he eventually dies, both of you can be happier and be more at peace.

Conclusion

Allowing our parents to decide how they live, and die—especially when it contradicts our own desires—is a deep form of respect. It’s about honouring their autonomy and dignity. By understanding their perspective and considering their feelings, we make choices that bring the greatest peace—for them and for ourselves.

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