How I Became a Monk: Part 2

Part 2: Getting Closer

I Got Into University Somehow and…

With my poor grades, I applied to enter university with little faith, but still I got in. That’s because I chose a degree course in education, majoring in teaching English as a second language, and I had a qualification they valued: GCE O-Level English 1119.

Soon after getting in, I got involved with the Buddhist society there, and regularly attended the weekly Dhamma talks. In my second year, invited by some senior members, I went for my first ever meditation retreat, which turned out to be a turning point in my life.

I practised very hard in the beginning; too hard actually. My mind wouldn’t settle. On the fifth day, I began to relax a little, and that’s when I experienced a calmness I had never felt before. Later, when I thought about the experience, it occurred to me that I had found something that I didn’t even know I was looking for. I had found something that filled up a vacuum in my life.

Nagging Thoughts Leading to…

During my final year in university, I had nagging doubts, “Is becoming a teacher what I really want?” It troubled me so much that I decided to do a career guidance questionnaire.

I found one on the Internet. Upon completion of it, it suggested a career in politics. Blagh... I was immediately repulsed by it, because to me then politics was dirty. But as I know myself now, I am actually interested in good governance. So, the software wasn’t wrong, but at that time, I was dissatisfied. So, I did the questionnaire again, until I came to the point where if I chose as I did, it would suggest politics again. I looked at the other option, and thought, “That’s true too,” and chose that one instead. This time, it suggested medicine. Again, I didn’t like it. “I don’t want to become a doctor,” I thought. Again, it wasn’t wrong. I was and still am interested in health matters.

A career in medicine doesn’t mean being a western medical doctor. My thinking was too limited then. It’s just as a career in politics doesn’t mean being a politician. But that was how I thought and reacted then. And I was lost again.

Fortunately, though, the software came with an article on how to choose a career, and it had this question:

Imagine having come to the end of your life. As you lie on your deathbed, you recall how you have lived. Given the chance to start again, how would you wish you had lived your life instead?

As if from the back of my head, the answer came: I would wish that I had become a monk and got enlightened.

Really? That answer shocked me. I had to take some time for it to sink in. Once it did, I was elated. Yes! That’s exactly what I want to do! There wasn't even a hint of doubt in my mind. I was having a party with myself.

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