Venting Suppressed Anger

Unless we’re highly awakened, it’s normal for us to get angry sometimes. However, if we somehow think we’re not supposed to be angry, we naturally shove down our anger, locking it away in our subconscious. This is suppressed anger, and it can cause trouble to our mental and physical well-being.

To understand anger theoretically and practically, see Understanding Anger with Kindness. In this article, however, let me deal with venting suppressed anger.

Now, we generally have the idea that it’s not good to vent our anger on someone. That’s plain common sense. However, if we have the idea that it’s not good to vent our anger at all, that’s taking an extreme view, which naturally makes us suppress our anger. Over time, this can lead to a host of issues, from anxiety and depression to headaches and high blood pressure. It may also cause chronic eczema.

Recognizing the Signs of Suppressed Anger

When we have suppressed our anger, we may cease to be conscious of the anger. In Buddhist speak, it is no longer within our field of awareness. Yet, it still causes trouble, albeit covertly.

So, how do we know if we have suppressed anger? Here are some signs:

Passive-aggressive behaviour: You procrastinate the work given to you, deliberately underperform, or backbite. Who are your targets?

Difficulty meeting certain people: You feel uncomfortable meeting certain people. You may even avoid meeting them. It may of course be due to an emotion other than anger. Whatever it may be, it’s good to look inside honestly. Have they hurt you in any way?

Physical symptoms: You have chronic headaches, heart disease, muscle tension, digestive problems, or eczema. When did these symptoms start? Where were you, and who were you with?

Let the Anger Talk

When you recognize the anger and its source, let yourself feel the anger. Then let it talk.

Once, I was very angry at someone but suppressed it. That led to an unhealthy relationship. After a long time, I came to admit the anger and allowed it to say what it wanted (not to the actual person of course). What came out first was “Bastard!”

Gee, that felt good!

Feeling good wasn’t surprising. What’s surprising was, after that, I noticed myself feeling kinder towards the person and more at ease around him.

So, let the anger say whatever it wants in whatever way it wants to. If you feel like acting out the anger too, go ahead. (Just don’t do anything you’d regret.)

As what you say and do might be quite scary to people who don’t understand what you’re doing, it makes sense to do this alone or with someone who does understand. If you’re afraid that others might hear you, you can just mouth the words.

Most probably, you will have to do this multiple times, as you may not be willing to vent the anger all at once. Also, after the first time, you may spontaneously recall certain related unhappy events. If there is suppressed anger in them, then find the opportunity to vent that too. If the anger doesn’t want to say anything, as in it just fumes, that’s okay too.

Now, if there’s resistance towards this venting, ask the resisting mind why. Does it regard the venting as wrong? If so, remember that you’re not attacking any real person, but just an imaginary one. Or, does the resisting mind regard the venting as creating bad kamma? If so, let me assure you that that’s not what you’re doing. Instead, you’re releasing old kamma. (Your passive-aggressive behaviour is surely bad kamma though.)

If intellectually you regard it as the right thing to do, yet some resistance remains, that’s okay. Just regard the resistance as just resistance. It will then ease off naturally, thus allowing you to vent the anger.

Now, about the passive-aggressive behaviour, it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t bring you any real happiness. Besides, it is damaging to your reputation and personal well-being. Instead of continuing with it, it’s better to deal with anger healthily.

Also, once you’re done venting, the urge for such behaviour will begin to diminish. In other words, you will be creating less bad kamma.

As for meeting those people who have hurt you, is there something that you want from them? Be honest. Also, are they worth meeting?

Parting Words

Suppressed anger is a silent, destructive force that can cause much trouble to our mental and physical well-being. Therefore, it is important to recognize and vent it. Remember, venting anger doesn't mean lashing out at others. Instead, it's about giving voice to a suppressed emotion, allowing it to dissipate, and paving the way for healing and growth.


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