Wise Awareness (​Kumāra Bhikkhu's Blog)

We’ve all done it before: doing something we regret later. Yet, even if we tell ourselves not to repeat it, we may still do. It might be losing our temper over a minor matter. It might be binging on food or the Internet. It can be anything but has one thing in common: no matter how badly we want to stop, we simply can’t. Do you struggle with this? If so, keep reading. But, if you’re not truly ready to change yet, then better stop reading this and go do something else. Seriously—don’t waste your time. Hmm... You’re still reading. So you really want to stop? The Steps Okay. Here’s how: Identify the triggers. What situations lead to that regrettable behaviour? Write them down. (E.g., having nothing to do, arguing with your spouse.) Find the common thread. What feeling do these situations share? (E.g., restlessness, sadness.) Try to understand the feeling. Don’t just label it generally as “stress” or “boredom.” Look closer— What is this really about?...

I’ve written about  the importance of being yourself . In that article, I gave four examples: You’re not feeling confident. Then don’t act as if you’re confident. You don’t know. Then don’t act as if you know. You want something. Then don’t act as if you don’t want it. You’re offended by a joke. Then don’t act as if you’re okay with it. Using these examples, let’s explore how to be yourself. What If You Just Can’t Be Yourself? Firstly, what if no matter how hard you try, you just can’t be yourself? That’s okay. Don’t force yourself to change. Forcing it won’t work and might even backfire. The solution is simple: When you notice that you’re not being yourself, just observe your behaviour and how it feels. Doing this will gradually shift your mindset in a profound way, and the pretending will fade naturally. When that happens, you can come back and read the rest of this article. Regarding the First Two Examples In the first two examples (a...