Wise Awareness (​Kumāra Bhikkhu's Blog)

Buddhism is meant to reduce—and even end—suffering. Yet, its teachings have been misunderstood and mis-practised as coping mechanisms to avoid facing suffering, thereby preventing its ending. Here are some insidious ways this can happen: 1. Focusing on Making Merit for a Better Next Life Some Buddhists believe they can’t change their present life unhappiness because it’s the result of past karma. They think their only hope is to accumulate as much merit as possible in this life to secure a better next life. This view discourages them from seeking help and making necessary changes to alleviate suffering now. Worse, this mindset has been exploited by unethical ‘Buddhists’ for personal gain. 2. Justifying Escapism Some misuse Buddhist concepts to justify escapism. They call their escapism “letting go” or “detachment”. With that, they avoid difficult conversations, withdraw from relationships, or neglect personal responsibility—creating a false sense of peace. 3. Avoiding Painful Emo...

Part 1: Assertiveness Aligns with Proper Speech Many people have trouble with being assertive. If you’re Buddhist, you might even regard assertiveness as a form of wrong speech. However, assertiveness actually aligns with the Buddhist concept of proper speech (sammā-vācā). Proper speech isn’t just about not saying certain things—it’s also about saying certain things. If merely not saying certain things counts as proper speech, then someone in a coma would be practising it perfectly. When you should say something but don’t say it, you’ll suffer in one way or another. For example, if a colleague takes advantage of you by making you do their work, what do you do? You might stay silent and keep doing their work. You might tell yourself, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” But is it really okay? Thoughts can lie, but feelings don’t. If you allow things to stay unchanged, you’ll eventually either explode or implode . Exploding means suddenly yelling at the person bullying you. Imploding mea...

We’ve all done it before: doing something we regret later. Yet, even if we tell ourselves not to repeat it, we may still do. It might be losing our temper over a minor matter. It might be binging on food or the Internet. It can be anything but has one thing in common: no matter how badly we want to stop, we simply can’t. Do you struggle with this? If so, keep reading. But, if you’re not truly ready to change yet, then better stop reading this and go do something else. Seriously—don’t waste your time. Hmm... You’re still reading. So you really want to stop? The Steps Okay. Here’s how: Identify the triggers. What situations lead to that regrettable behaviour? Write them down. (E.g., having nothing to do, arguing with your spouse.) Find the common thread. What feeling do these situations share? (E.g., restlessness, sadness.) Try to understand the feeling. Don’t just label it generally as “stress” or “boredom.” Look closer— What is this really about?...

I’ve written about  the importance of being yourself . In that article, I gave four examples: You’re not feeling confident. Then don’t act as if you’re confident. You don’t know. Then don’t act as if you know. You want something. Then don’t act as if you don’t want it. You’re offended by a joke. Then don’t act as if you’re okay with it. Using these examples, let’s explore how to be yourself. What If You Just Can’t Be Yourself? Firstly, what if no matter how hard you try, you just can’t be yourself? That’s okay. Don’t force yourself to change. Forcing it won’t work and might even backfire. The solution is simple: When you notice that you’re not being yourself, just observe your behaviour and how it feels. Doing this will gradually shift your mindset in a profound way, and the pretending will fade naturally. When that happens, you can come back and read the rest of this article. Regarding the First Two Examples In the first two examples (a...